Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage with Mort Fertel
We think that if our marriages take work, something’s wrong. Our culture makes love out to be a mystery. We believe we have to be lucky in love to find a happy relationship.
Today, we are going to debunk that mindset. There is a methodology to fixing your marriage.
Mort Fertel is the creator of Marriage Fitness, the most successful marriage crisis program in the world. He tells us that marriage is not something that comes naturally. It’s something that must be, and can be, learned.
Mort reveals the elements that destroy a marriage and gives us the tools we need to take our parenting and relationship skills to the next level.
We also invite listeners to a 30-day challenge that will make effective relationship behaviors a solid habit. Get the secrets to fixing your marriage and more in this episode!
Marriage is like anything else in life—hitting a golf ball, shooting a jump shot, arguing a case in court, or performing an operation. If we can understand and practice, we are more likely to succeed.—Mort Fertel
Mort Fertel
Mort Fertel is the creator of Marriage Fitness, a relationship renewal system that’s been used by millions of people in marital crisis. In addition to his success with couples, he pioneered the “Lone Ranger Track,” which offers people with an obstinate spouse a path to reconciliation.
People from all over the world schedule private tele-sessions with Mort Fertel and seek his counsel by joining the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp, the most comprehensive relationship home learning program in the world. Mort Fertel is the author of Marriage Fitness Audio Learning System and the host of the “Fix Your Marriage” podcast. Over 3 million people have subscribed to his free report “7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage.”
Mort Fertel is the subject of Back from the Brink, a documentary written and directed by Toroes Thomas, which chronicles people in marriage crisis.
Mort Fertel graduated from the University of Pennsylvania in 1987, was the CEO of an international non-profit organization, and a former marathon runner. He lives with his wife and 5 children (including triplets!) in Baltimore, Maryland.
We have to become experts at catching our spouse doing something right.—Mort Fertel
What You’ll Learn
- Marriage and relationships work according to universal laws, like gravity.
- Why people are resistant to get help when their marriage is in trouble
- Why humility is the number one a quality you should look for in a partner
- Three Cs that destroy a relationship, leading to the 4th C, cancer of the marriage:
- Criticize
- Condemn
- Complain
- How to discipline ourselves to not complain and criticize our spouses and children
- How to express feelings and disappointment without condemning
- Avoiding “You always… You never…” phrases
- “The remember when…” technique to encourage more of what you want from your wife
- How to set your wife up to be your hero
- Highlight what she’s doing right.
- Why we should never lie to our kids
- How to parent our kids without being critical
- A lack of self-esteem is the root of personal problems in adult life.
- Punishment creates distance.
- Connection is the most important thing in parenting.
- It’s not possible to control a child, only to influence them.
- Some moments with our kids are not teachable.
- Sometimes the best thing for a parent to do is nothing.
- When it comes to time with our kids, both quality AND quantity are important
- Why we should let a child experience and see the natural consequences of their behavior
- Always speak in a calm voice. Dignified people never yell.
- The secret of practicing gratitude and appreciation in marriage.
- Why we become numb to the qualities of our spouse that first attracted us
- We pick out all the faults instead of what our spouse is doing right.
- Being grateful and appreciative does not absolve our spouses from doing things we don’t like, but we should highlight and encourage the good.
- Forming a new habit takes a tremendous amount of energy initially, but once we get momentum we keep going.
- What it means to blend ourselves on the inside to stand out on the outside
- Why we shouldn’t be flashy or behave in ways to try to attract attention to our external appearance.
- Dress modestly to not make a statement and force people to get to know you inside.
- Focus on becoming a tower of moral authority and a man of substantial character.
- The ultimate fulfillment in life springs from character development, not physical and material accomplishments.
- Gratitude, humbleness, discipline are the most important character traits.
- The energy we spend on looking good on the outside should be spent reading, being introspective, and in prayer. Working on our flaws.
- The quickest and easiest thing a guy can do to boost their marriage—catch your wife doing something right every day and make a big deal out of it.
- The 30-day Challenge—add a reminder in your Google calendar every day to find something wonderful about your spouse and tell her.
MENTIONED EPISODES:
How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood
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Dear Larry and Team,
Thank you so much for hosting Mort Fertel, someone whose resources I have been “consulting” for the past two years (and, per marriage struggles, have recently reconnected with). I find both Mort’s and your guidance wonderfully logical, ethical, and applicable, and, akin to the tenets of my Buddhist practice, anchored in the universal law of cause and effect. Keep up the splendid work, and I look forward to our deepening connection.
Appreciatively,
Doug