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“Essential Tool Kit for New Dads” Episode Overview
Most men are extremely nervous about being a new dad. Larry and Shawn talk about the top 3 concerns that most new dads share: money, potential changes in the marital relationship, and time with friends.
Many men have serious fears about becoming a new dad, such as:
- Money: Financial constraints of a new baby
- Relationship: Fear of the relationship with their wife completely changing
- Time with Friends: Fear that a new child will put a halt to their social lives
Concern #1: Money
Money is a big-time legitimate concern, and you should be prepared. In a recent study, numbers show that it costs approximately $250,000 to raise a child from birth to 18 years old – not including college. For more details, see the articles from CNN Money and Huffington Post, and factor for inflation and cost of living adjustments.
One of the most critical decisions to be made are about child care: Daycare or a parent staying home. According to 2012 Census data, there are over 2 million stay-at-home dads.
The necessities over a one-year timeframe will cost over $10,000 in the first year. Baby Center has a great “baby cost calculator” on their site, which covers items such as: diapering, feeding, gear, other necessities, etc.
Tips for being financially prepared:
- Sit down with your partner and come up with a budget you can both live with
- Cut out some of the unnecessary things in your budget to temporarily to prepare for upcoming expenses – start off expecting to spend ~$1,000/month in the first years of raising your child, and plan to save accordingly
- Look into ways to make passive income
- When having baby showers, ask your all guests to give you diapers
- Set up an online savings account that deposits money automatically
Concern #2: Relationship Changes with Your Partner
The truth: Your relationship will change. But you both have to agree to you will roll with the changes. And the change can be for the better if you are prepared.
The divorce rate with kids is up to 49%.
There will be no sex for at least 6 weeks after birth and within the first year with your partner, especially if your partner is your wife who gave birth recently. The lull usually lasts 6-8 weeks, sometimes up to 12 weeks, especially with new moms.
Be patient with sex. For the first year, it will most likely die down a bit. But not to worry. If you follow the 3 tips we mention below, you should be doing the body rock before too long!
Tips to stay connected with your partner in the first year:
- Have a scheduled monthly date night
- Book your sitters out the next 3-4 months – have it planned for date nights
- Talk without distractions for at least 10 minutes per day – turn off the TV and cellphones
- Send random texts to each other throughout the day
Concern #3: Making Time for Friends/Social Expectations
For the first 3 months, neither you or your wife will most likely leave the house very often for social gatherings. Your schedules will be working around naps and feedings. Plus, you both won’t feel like it because you will likely be feeling tired.
After 4-12 months Tips:
- Make an agreement that each of you is allowed one night per month to get out with friends: Have a guys night with the guys, and the girls can have a girls night – or mix it up by getting together with other couples or friends from both genders.
- Once a month will be just enough to keep your friendships strong and keep each of you sane.
Making Time for Yourself
Make sure you don’t forget to make time for yourself. In addition to connection with your partner and with your friends/social relationships, you will need to take more steps for self care. Take care of yourself first, so that you have more to give.
- Sleep whenever possible — catching up with naps will help give you some rest, or even closing your eyes for a period of time will help to relax and refresh you
- Exercise to keep your body and mind healthy and give you more energy
- Eat healthy, real food and hydrate yourself to give yourself the proper energy you need
- Meditate or do breathing exercises
Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE
Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE
Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS
- Amazon Bestselling Book: The Dad’s Edge – 9 Simple Ways to Have: Unlimited Patience, Improved Relationships, and Positive Lasting Memories
- Larry’s New Course: The Dad’s Edge – 6 Strategies to Achieve: Unlimited Patience, Improved Relationships, and Positive Lasting Memories
- Larry’s Twitter Page
- Larry’s Facebook Page
- Larry’s Instagram Page
- Shawn’s Website
- Shawn’s Twitter Page
- Shawn’s Facebook Page
- Shawn’s Instagram Page
Links Mentioned In This Episode
- 2012 Census’ Data on Child Care
- BabyCenter’s Baby Cost Calculator
- CNN Money’s Article on Child Costs
- Huffington Post’s Article on Child Costs
- The Good Dad Project Podcast – Episode 5: “3 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life”
Books Mentioned In This Episode
- Samit Sethi’s Book: I Will Teach You to Be Rich
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