Being the Changemaker in Marriage with Kurt Young
When it comes to redesigning our entire marriages, it’s all about controlling ourselves and being the change maker, not pointing the fingers. We only can control what we can control, and we need to be focused on ourselves. Learning skills like tactical empathy, using emotional labels, using mirroring, using generative questions, and creating an environment of psychological safety where your wife feels seen, heard, and safe.
Kurt Young is an independent insurance agent. He and his wife are the owners of their own company (Kurt Young Insurance Group) where they help clients with their insurance and financial needs.
After living through a stroke, Kurt has made radical changes in his life and is one of the most active members of the Dad Edge Acceleration Program.
What You’ll Learn
4:53 Interview Starts
18:54 A self-discovery journey
Kurt Young says it has been a journey of self-discovery for him to be part of Larry’s program, because before he was not present in his marriage, when his wife would talk to him he wasn’t really listening, and he did it on purpose because he thought his wife wanted to control him and he wouldn’t let her. He realized that his mind was creating negative spaces and that he needed to acquire skills to change the way he dealt with these types of scenarios. He began to try to create better communication by asking questions that would allow him to get to know his wife better and above all to be present with her. For example, one day when he was out with her, he turned his phone upsidedown and by just doing that he was really present in conversation he was having with his wife.
21:42 Dad Edge Alliance
Kurt Young continues to share his experience of how Larry’s program has helped his marriage. For Kurt Young, the most important thing has been to know that acts of service are worthless if there is no intention or care for your spouse on the other side. It’s the little things that make a difference, but Kurt Young also had to admit that before fixing his marriage he had to focus on himself and his anxiety. By changing this, he was able to be present and not be thinking from his anxiety about what to say back, he was able to listen and be empathetic to his wife.
33:25 Changing Your Mindset
Kurt Young says that for him, what the program has given him most is the ability to change his mindset and build empathy in his relationship. He had to realize that he is the one who has to change and not keep score of the acts of service he does thinking that this entitles him to get something in return. For a marriage to improve, the emotional level of each one must be taken into account and above all the depth of the wounds.
Larry explains the importance of turning off the male brain and developing empathy as an essential skill in your marriage.
Kurt Young’s Links
- Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/kurtyounginsurancegroup
- Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/kurtandkimyoung/
- LinkedIn- https://www.linkedin.com/in/kurt-young-1b912430/
- Website- www.kurtyoungagency.com
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Awesome podcast! As someone who literally JUST JOINED DEA this week, it was great hearing Kurt and his story. I really inspires me that this group of men is the right fit for me and it makes me determined to start becoming the changemaker in my marriage.