“Love is patient, love is blind. . .” Until it’s not. Then what?
My guest today is Gary John Bishop, who holds the record for most appearances on this podcast. He is a NY Times best selling author of multiple books and today we are talking about relationships.
No matter how much advice we get or how much work we do on our “stuff,” nothing ever seems to make the difference. The truth of it is, you’re woefully ill-equipped for one of the most life-defining things you will ever take on—being in a committed relationship.
Whether you’re currently in one, want to be in one, half in–half out, getting over one, married, single, separated, divorced, or just overwhelmed with the whole thing, let’s cut through the morass of relationship schtick and put you back in charge. No flowery BS, no woo-woo strategies, systems, or techniques, just real talk, for real people who want a real relationship in their life that actually works.
What You’ll Learn
10:01 The things that carry over into our relationships
Larry poses a really good question to Gary John Bishop on what he has found that carries over into our relationships from the past and Gary quickly answers without a doubt: YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENTS.
Even if you had a great relationship or not such a good one. Things trickle over into our current relationships until we come to terms and break that cycle within us.
12:10 Love is Not a Feeling
A lot of people think that love is not a choice. They think that it is just a feeling and that feeling will continue to be there day after day. Many feelings don’t feel like a choice, love, anger, etc. Just because you think you don’t have a say in that emotion, but even as an intangible feeling that it may seem like, it is a choice. All day, every day, it is a choice.
17:48 You Complete Me
Gary John Bishop makes a reference to the movie Jerry Maguire in which the actor Tom Cruise tells the girl… YOU COMPLETE ME!
He explains the phrase and how we use it with our partners, or why we are with that person we decided to be in love with. We think that they complete us because they make us feel a certain way, but that should not be the case, as we should work on the things that are not yet solved within us and not put that weight on someone else.
20:32 Conversations with Yourself
Gary John Bishop talks about how you need to have a conversation with YOURSELF, and not the WE in a relationship. It’s not about we are this or that… it’s really about what YOU feel and not address things as a couple. I am afraid vs. we are afraid. This will help you create accountability in your own emotions.
23:55 Align With Yourself Consistently
So one might say, I am a loving man, but I’m withholding my love from you. Those two things don’t match and you are not aligning with the life you are living. You must align and operate in a consistent way with what you say.
25:23 Understanding Who You Are
Most people don’t fully understand who they are and don’t know either how to find that. John Gary Bishop talks about the lack of clarity and taking from the past in order to help build core values. He explains that in order to find these, we really need to rip the bandaid off and acknowledge who we really are as a man to then become and act as the person we truly decide to be.
45:42 The Hidden Agenda
Often people express themselves and expect something in return but do not communicate that. If you do something nice for someone and expect them to do the same in return, that is basically called manipulation. Just because we do something nice, does not mean that they have to do the same.
49:38 One-Sided Relationships
Typically when you are in a one-sided relationship we begin to put blame into things, or on your partner. John Gary Bishop dives into what sort of questions you should be asking, and they’re probably not the ones you are thinking.
When we talk about deal-breakers, we give out this big reason why we like or not certain things. But deep down, there are bigger reasons. John makes a great example of this talking about infidelity.
Gary John Bishop’s Links
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