Toolkit for an Extraordinary Marriage with Larry Hagner

How many hours have you spent training to be a husband? We expect marriage to work out without ever learning the skills to maintain a successful relationship. We want more sex and intimacy as well as better communication and connection, but we are missing the tactics.

Today I am with Nate Bagley from the Growth Marriage podcast to talk about elevating your marriage. We go over the tools you need to take the relationship with your wife to the next level.

“Marriage is a skill. Communication is a skill. Connection is a skill.”

Extraordinary Marriage

[4:28]

The four elements to a legendary marriage are taking care of yourself, the friendship, the partnership, and the lovers’ aspect.

[5:03]

The foundation that those elements sit on is communication. The most important thing is creating an environment of psychological safety, tactical empathy, emotional validation, active listening—all these things that we don’t know how to do.

Larry’s Mission

[7:13]

Growing up in a fatherless environment most of his life, Larry had a wake-up call and realized he didn’t have a reference for how to be the dad he wanted to be.

[7:30]

Larry is on a mission to ensure that dads have all the tools and resources they need to be the absolute best husbands and fathers that they can be.

The Dad Edge

[17:46]

Struggling in marriage for the first part, he figured he needs to learn patience, anger resolution, emotional resilience, and communication within marriage.

Life’s Lessons

[18:55]

Larry shared that the Dad Edge Project encompasses five elements of being a husband, father, and man. One of those is mastering personal and family finances because 50% of divorces that happen are due to financial distress that causes a lot of stress to people. The second element is optimizing physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Creating an extraordinary marriage is the third element. The fourth is an epic connection with your kids with psychological safety. The last element is being a leader.

[19:42]

According to him, there are skills to learn, master, and practice that are going to help you optimize those elements.

[21:06]

Skill are not feelings. If he feels like losing his patience, he can use the skill to create space between response and reaction or reaction and response. He learned to put all these into practice.

Daily Basis to be in Peak Condition

[29:19]

Larry shared that when he’s the healthiest, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, he can serve his wife profoundly.

[30:10]

He added that his wife’s three biggest needs are to be seen, heard, and cherished. Attention is important in the relationship, so his wife can feel she is important.

[30:47]

He shared that his job in the relationship is not to fix his wife’s problems, but to validate, support, and create space for her.

[32:11]

Larry said that they a routine in his family because they want to make sure everyone gets ample attention.

Appreciative Inquiry

[37:37]

Larry discussed that appreciative inquiry is a way of taking teams, culture, relationships, and focusing on the best of what was, the best of what is, and what the best of what could be.

[41:17]

It’s about creating epic connection through psychological safety, communication, physical touch, words of affirmation, date nights, and asking future generative questions that elevates the entire relationship and fixes communication problems.

[44:49]

Larry added that most people will approach and interact with agenda and expectation. It’s important to approach any interaction with appreciation and curiosity.

[45:40]

He shared that when there’s wrongdoing in the family, especially with his kids, he doesn’t punish them. He would celebrate their courageous behavior but letting them know that there will be a conversation and natural consequences. This creates an important environment for relationships. Psychological safety is about knowing that they can come to you without feeling guilty or shameful.

RELATED EPISODES:

21 Days to an Extraordinary Marriage

How to Build a Ridiculously Fulfilling Marriage with Nate Bagley

4 Elements of a Legendary Marriage Part 1—The Individual

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